Days like today..

It is days like today that I know my Father in Heaven not only loves me, but knows me individually, and though there are 7 billion others on this earth, each and every day he is watching over and guiding me, just me, to where I need to go, what I need to do, and specifically this morning, what I need to read...

I woke up early this morning to work out with Christian. I LOVE my morning work outs with him, it's the time that I can just let him tell me what to do, and know that he will only push me as far as he knows I can go, but that he will, in fact push me. They allow me to spend precious time with my husband, they make me feel good about myself, like I can tackle whatever the day throws my way...but some days, no matter what I tell myself, it doesn't feel like enough--I'm only human. Today was one of those days. I've literally worked my butt off this week, I've been to the gym everyday, and I know it is doing good things for me. Plus, for the first time in my life I enjoy, and look forward to sweating and working hard. But today,even though I was having fun with Babe, as I watched myself do squats on the bosu ball in the mirror, I just wasn't very happy with my body,I could see all of it's imperfections, the little things I would want to be different, and I just felt yucky.So, I went home, ate a healthy breakfast, got myself ready and came into work. One of the first things I always do is check my blogs (hey, I follow some aweeeesome people!), if nothing else, they are good reads, but sometimes I find things in them that make my soul happy. Today, I hit the jackpot. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I LOVE Cjane. I read her post, and then followed a link to an article she wrote that I think every woman should read...including you!

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Like some women . . . not all women . . . but a healthy number of women . . . or maybe an unhealthy number of women . . . I was obsessed with my weight. I measured quarter inches, weighed ounces, exercised and denied myself until there was nothing left to deny. I thought about my weight, my body, my image until it crowded out all other concerns. I knew if I were thin there would be nothing left I could ever want.

That was where I was three years ago.

Then something happened, a baby. Then another something happened, another baby. Then another, another something happened, a pregnancy which will hopefully result in baby three in the late fall. 

I don't obsess anymore.

It's not like I've worked through my issues and suddenly I understand the glory of a women's body. I mean, there are moments spent day-dreaming of the time when my body stops fluctuating to accommodate gestating or milk-drinking humans and my body is mine to deny again. But those idealistic moments are fleeting because there's cheese to slice for grilled cheese sandwiches or shoes to tie or sleep to catch. I simply don't have time to think much about my body--how it looks, how it sways, how it appeals-- although sometimes my husband reminds me. You know, in that gratuitous--look at how big your chest is getting!--excited sort of way.

And when I exercise it's really for clearing my mind. It's to allow my spirit to breathe. I am sure it helps my cardiovascular system, I just don't think about it much. I love the wisdom in this: Care not for the body, neither for the life of the body. But care for the soul, and the life of the soul.*

I think the soul is the spirit plus the body. A healthy spirit will build a healthy body. But focusing alone on the body will destroy the spirit.

Mostly, I wake up, put on my house dress and work until the day is done. And when the work is done (it's never done) and the day is over I look at my body and thank it for being so accommodating. At the end of the day that is all I can ask of it. It was never meant to fulfill day dreams of perfection. It wasn't created for attraction alone. It was meant to do what I needed it to do. And it does.

As a testament to this, I often remind myself: I've never been so fulfilled--even forty pounds ago.

Doctrine & Covenants 101:37"

Since I can remember my Dad has told me about balance. When I heard this as a teenager all I could think was blah,blah,blah...but now, I think I am beginning to understand it. My body does what it needs to do, and more. I am grateful for it. I know that, some days, I just need some reminding, I think we all do.I think back to my days and weeks spent with Dr. Valantine (an amazing man), and all the lessons that he taught me about my spirit, and the power and control that we truly have over our thoughts, and the things that we choose to believe--it is a choice!! We can not make that choice to believe the lies that the adversary would have us believe. We can not allow his degradation of all that is womanhood to continue, he can not, and will not ever win when we know that we are in control. 

So, here's to re-dedication, to focusing on the soul, on a healthy spirit, and allowing that strong spirit to create and strengthen that beautiful, healthy body that we have been blessed with. Certainly we do not want to destroy our spirits by focusing only on our bodies. I know that my body is strongest when my spirit is the strongest. I know it, I know it, I KNOW it!  

Soooooo long Tay Tay!!

So yesterday I tried to write this blog yesterday. In fact, I did, and it was long and perfectly worded and you all would have loveeeed it...BUT, when I went to post it i got a lameee message that told me the link was broken. What are the odds!! So, let's try again...

My whole life-minus 15 months- I've spent with my little sister. Even when we didn't get along, I always knew that when it came down to it, she would always love and protect me from anything. I knew from the beginning that it was not going to be easy to say goodbye to her, but last Wednesday that is exactly what I set out to do.
PAUSE...REWIND....
Sunday was Taylor's farewell. The WHOLE family, along with pretty much everyone she has ever met, went to sacrament meeting at the YSA ward. The first speeker was Justin Wait, who was also going to enter the MTC that Wednesday. He gave a really good talk about the Book of Mormon, and welcomed the spirit into the chapel. After his talk, we -taylor,kara,delaney, me, rachel, and jane-got up to sing. We sang a medley of Teach me to Walk and Love one Another, it is truly one of my favorite songs that I have ever heard, the way they compliment eachother, is beautiful. There were a few tears, and I was so glad that we were able to sing one last time with Taylor(wanna hear it? click here). Following our song, she gave her talk.She spoke about being a disciple of Christ. Every word she said, she said with conviction, and the more she talked, the more convinced I became that she was on her way to do what she was meant to do, to be a missionary, to teach the people of Texas,and to bring them the gospel.She ended her talk with her testimony in song. She sang a song called  "With all of my heart," and I don't believe there was a dry eye in the chapel. It was asolutely amazing. The spirit in that room was SO strong, I could feel it in the very deepest part of my heart. My sweet little sister has the strongest testimony, and not only am I proud of her, but I am proud that Heavenly Father trusted me to come to this earth and be her big sister, she has taught me more than I could ever begin to describe, and I am grateful every single day for her presence in my life.
Following Sacrament meeting, the Wilson side of the family came over to my dad's house for a father's day/Taylor's day celebration. We barbequed and enjoyed eachother's company until President Wilkinsen and his wife came over to set Taylor apart. Before he did so, he talked to her about being a representative of our Savior while she is on her mission, and the things he wants her to remember as she leaves and when it is time to come home. He then asked a few people--grandma, grandpa, dad,kara,uncle larry, and bishop dunham-- to say whatever they had to say before she left. It was definitely an emotional time (right, auntie kyle?) and it was a time I don't think that the people in the room will forget it anytime soon. After that we all sang a couple songs with Stephy playing the piano, and then most people left. For the rest of the night, there were poeple coming and going and lots and lots of "see you laters." We were supposed to leave late Sunday night, buuuut people didn't leave until almost 1 a.m. so we all decided it would be best to sleep for a few hours before we started our drive.
We ended up leaving at 5:30 Monday morning. Dad drove most of the way.We stopped in Vegas and a couple other times to stretch, but overall the drive wasn't bad at all (I took lots of naps :)...



 We arrived in Orem at around 3:30, got ready and headed to Cafe Rio for dinner (my favvvvvvv) and then sweet dessert at Sub Zero (also my favvvvvv). We were all pretty tired [it's strange how sitting in a car can make you so exhausted], so we didn't do anything else that night, but Taylor, Tucker, and I were up early the Tuesday morning to head to the Salt Lake Temple, it was a wonderful experience, and I was so glad to share it with the two of them (in the short amount of time I was able to spend with Tucker, he became family pretty quick!). We did a session there, and then hurried back to pick up Dad and Delaney. They didn't have any food in the house so they were starving and we headed to Smash Burger-okayyy so we did a lot of eating out, don't judge!-and then to the University mall so that Tay could get a few things. From there we headed back up to Temple Square, we we met up with Danielle :) walked around the visitor's center, and took a tour of the Conference Center. I was amazed by it's size, by the art in that adorned the walls, and the massive meadow, yes, meadow on the roof!

picture of the temple taken from the roof of the conference center

When we left Temple Square we went to dinner with Krissy, Hayley, and Robbie at Cafe Normandy. Dinner was d-e-licious, and the time we were able to spend just hanging out with Krissy and her family afterward was exactly what Taylor needed. I think it was good for her to be able to just be around people that she cares about instead of trying to see everyone she's ever known in Utah the night before she leaves. We got back to Grandma Sherry's house pretty late, and a couple of her good friends came over to say goodbye.

     By the time I woke up Wednesday morning, Taylor and my Dad had already left to Target to get her last few little things that she needed to take with her that day. They got back just in time for everyone to get ready and head to Cafe Rio again, to meet up with Garrett and Regan so that they could see her off.... and then we headed to the MTC.

First thing first...The iPhone handoff...

Then as we pulled up to the curb, a couple of missionaries came out and grabbed her luggage, and we all got out to say a very quick goodbye...

...Daddy, "brother"Tucker, little Laney, and Me...

And then we left her there...

The drive back was a little more difficult than the way there. At one point we heard a sniffle, and Tucker looked back and me and then at Delaney, and asked if she was crying (she swears she never cries). Sure enough, under Tucker's light blue raybans, her little eyes were full of tears. I laid my head on her lap, held her hand, and triend to fall asleep. This is going to be the next 18 months of my life. Hanging out with sweet Delaney and Tucker (and BABE!!!) and though it will be hard at times,I know that she is on the lord's errand and that she will be blessed. I am looking forward to hearing her stories, and to feeling her love of the Savior through her service and her letters.
 We listened to Disney pandora for a long time from a little outside of Vegas all the way to about Barstow, and we all sang along. We didn't sleep as much as the first drive either. From St. George all the way to almost Riverside, everyone was awake. I drove from St. George to Barstow, and we made it home a little before midnight. Dad helped me get my bags, Tucker promised we'd hang out soon, and I hurried inside to see Babe! {it was a great trip but I truly had missed him TERRIBLY!}
I am so proud of both of my sisters, and I am greatly looking forward to the day when we do the whole thing over again with Ashy!



GRAND AMERICA 2011!! hahah

Sweet Sisters

My sweet sisters are leaving me. They've both chosen to go on missions for our church, and I could not be more proud to be their big sister. Taylor will be serving in Lubbock, Texas and she will report to the Missionary Training Center in Provo on June 22nd. Ashy Bee's call should be here this week *fingers crossed*. I can't wait to see where she is going. I know that they will both be amazing missionaries, and that their testimonies of the Gospel of Jesus Christ will change the lives of the people they meet.
My other sweet sister Delaney is getting so big. She's 14 now, and will be starting high school in the fall. I'm sure that it will be scary for her without two of her sisters, but I also know that she will be blessed and bouyed up by their service, and I know that she is the smartest of us all. Her little spirit is SO strong, she stands up for what she believes in, and won't let anybody tell her otherwise.


I love my sisters, I'm so glad that Heavenly Father sent them to be part of this journey with me...I couldn't imagine it any other way.

In the News

There are some days in your life that you never forget. There are images that your mind holds onto long after they are seen. I remember being in eighth grade, I remember I was getting ready for school and curling my hair when my dad called us girls into the living room to see what was on the television, just as the second plane hit the second tower...

 I remember the reports...

I remember being sad, and I remember being afraid. And then, I remember the country coming together, I remember that no matter who you were, regardless of color, economic status, or religion, you were an american, and you were proud.We celebrated the heroes of that day, and we mourned those that were lost. We supported their families and eachother. We stood united, and refused to let those that sought to defile and hurt our countryman ruin our resolve. I say we like I had some big thing to do with everyone else in the country, but that's how it felt....We declared war the man/organization who were responsibe for the travesty and the loss of our people, and the searched continued for almost 10 years.

As I got into bed on Sunday night, I heard the news-Osama Bin Laden was dead. I didn't quite know how to feel. It is strange to feel a sense of satisfaction or justification for the death of any one person, but this was a terribly evil man. He orchestrated many operations that led to the death of innocent people. I wonder what the ramifications will be, however at the same time I can not help but feel a small sense of hope, a feeling that those who lost loved ones in those attacks nearly ten years ago can now feel even a little relief. Though I can not celebrate  death, I can look with hope toward the future...I can pray for our troops, for their families, and for the leaders of our country. I pray that we may be kept safe, and that we will all continue to be proud to be Americans...The Land of the Free, and the Home of the Brave. 

Daughter of a King...

sooooooo I didn't wake up before the break of dawn to watch the Royal Wedding, however, I DID watch it once I got to work. It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL, Kate was gorgeous, and William's smile and the way he looked at his bride was absolutely adorable. You can tell that they are incredibly in love, and I am always, ALWAYS happy to see two people happy together!

BUT there was one big, and I mean BIG thing that was missing...I listened to the commentary, watched as the bride and groom arrived, the people cheered, and girls around the world saw Kate Middleton became Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge--a princess, and saw the ceremony that made it so, I couldn't help but notice how many "til death us do part"s there were in the words that the Archbiship said, and even in all that beauty it made me kind of sad. I couldn't help but think about the day Babe and I were married, and blessings of the temple, of the covenants that we are able to make there, the spirit that is felt, and the sealing power of the priesthood. There is no more sacred place to be than kneeling across the alter from the one you love, to hear the sealer talk about eternity, the eternity that you get to spend together, to look into those mirrors, and to see that eternity in them---

"temple mirrors—one mirror on this side, one mirror on that side. Together the temple mirrors reflect back and forth images that stretch seemingly into eternity.

Temple mirrors of eternity remind us that each human being has “divine nature and destiny”; that “sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally”; and that, growing together in love and faithfulness, we can give children roots and wings."

 I also thought of this talk, "Your Happily Ever After" by President Uchtdorf, in which he reminds us that we are all daughters of a King, we are in fact,"beloved daughters of Heavenly Father, prepared to come to the earth at this particular time for a sacred and glorious purpose.”Those words are true! They are not made up in a fairy tale! Isn’t it remarkable to know that our eternal Heavenly Father knows you, hears you, watches over you, and loves you with an infinite love? In fact, His love for you is so great that He has granted you this earthly life as a precious gift of “once upon a time,” complete with your own true story of adventure, trial, and opportunities for greatness, nobility, courage, and love. And, most glorious of all, He offers you a gift beyond price and comprehension. Heavenly Father offers to you the greatest gift of all—eternal life—and the opportunity and infinite blessing of your own “happily ever after.” He tells us that our "once upon a time" is now, and that through faith in our Savior and following our father's plan, "the day will come when you turn the final pages of your own glorious story; there you will read and experience the fulfillment of those blessed and wonderful words: “And they lived happily ever after.”
I love Christian with all my heart, and each and everyday I pray for the spirits waiting up there in the spirit world to come to earth and recieve their bodies, especially for the ones that I will be blessed to nuture, teach, and show the way. Even as I sit here at my desk in my office, my eyes brim with tears, and my heart is full of love for them. Though I have never seen them, I know that they are there, and I know in the deepest depths of my soul that they are meant for me and my sweet, sweet husband, and I can not bear the thought even for a second that I could bring a child into this world, or look at the man I married, and not know for a fact that they will be with me forever--even after this life!
And THAT RIGHT THERE is why I am grateful for my Savior, for the knowledge and testimony I have of his Atonement, for this past weekend in which the entire Christian world reflected on and celebrated his resurrection. He died, and rose again, that we all might do the same, that we--along with our families, may return to live with him again, and for all eternity.

Okay Friends...

My (and Jane's) little darlings got first place last Saturday at their Regional contest at Cal Poly Pamona...I got to sit in the room and keep time with one of the judges that we always dreaded in high school, and just thought that he was the most awful man on the planet (my kids think the same thing), BUT as soon as they-my team- left the room he turned to me and told me that I'd "done a great job with that team." Tanner and Conner rode home with me and Jane, and they are just as funny as can be. I love them, I really do. It's fun to be able to laugh with them and be able to help them to reach their potential, they really do have some serious potential-our goal is to make it at least past the first round of state. However, their first place win means that I now have to find a new Gavel for my dear, sweet chairmen, Christian...



Christian accepting their 1st place award!

I got to see sweet Danielle and her FIANCE the saturday before last...I was SO excited!! I really miss that girl, and I am SO happy for them to start this new part of their lives.

I love being married, I love my Husband, I love to say "husband," I love cooking dinner with him, waking up with him, and just getting to spend every second that I can with my best friend...it couldn't be better! I know I'm always saying that, everytime I post pretty much. I'm happy, and you should be too. Especially because General Conferance is this weekend, yaaayyyy!! I am excited to hear from the leaders of the church, to feel the spirit, and listen to their inspired messages, as they feed us what our Heavenly Father wants us to know so that we can be the best we can in this life, and return to live with him someday.

random thoughts/my body?

a whole lot of randomness comin your way:

• I got to spend some time this Saturday with a few of my favorite girls (Kayleigh, Janie, and Miss Joelle). Kayleigh and I got our hair done with JoJo at Envy and then we met Jane for lunch at Pizza Nova. I miss spending time with my girls, so it was nice to see them and enjoy their company![ and made me reeeaaalllyyyyy excited to see miss Danielle on the 19th :)] my hair underneath is now red-brown-violet, aka maroon and i LOVE it!
• Jane and I are coaching Parli-Pro again this year, and it's wonderful! Well, wonderful in the sense that she and I have fun together, and we have a sharp team. The problem is that they know they are smart, and they know that they perform well under pressure...which reminds me a LITTLE  (did you catch that sarcasm?) of us when we were in high school,except they don't have the know-how to back those big heads up! it'll be alright though, we're attempting to teach them everything we've got in our vast arsenal of knowledge, and if they pick up even half of it we should have a state level team on our hands
• annndddd if we have a state level team...janie and i get to take a trip back up to state conference, oooohhhh the memories THAT will bring back!
• Silly as it may be, I've been trying to find more "adult" clothes, not old lady clothes, but something nicer than my usual t-shirts to wear on a daily basis...it'll be a slow transition (clothes aren't free friends!) but i like what I've got so far and I'm excited

--TANGENT: I get my butt kicked on a regular basis by my hunky trainer of a husband. I'm still not losing weight (even though i've been trying my darndest to eat healthy like a good little girl), but after reading this post on C Jane, that began with this quote--“The body holds meaning. When we probe beneath the surface of our obsession with weight we will find a woman obsessed with her body is expressing a serious concern about the state of her soul.” (Kim Chernin, author of The Hungry Self: Women, Eating and Identity and The Obsession: Reflections on the Tyranny of Slenderness)-- I had what Miss O would call an "Aha moment" I realized that there is no reason to obsess over my weight. I am a strong, confident  daughter of my Heavenly Father with Divine potential, fretting over things that are beyond my control will not fix them, but will, in fact, further complicate them, and put not only my sanity, but the state of my SOUL in jepardy. Now, I don't know about you, but that right there is not a risk I am willing to take. Don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy, I know that my body is a gift...afterall a whole 1/3 the hosts of heaven don't even get to have one, it's the whole reason that we are here on this earth-TO GET A BODY!!  It is not, however, something that should bring me stress, discontent, or shame. It should bring nothing but JOY! That's the other reason we are here, right? To have JOY?! The two should go hand in hand. So, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing: eating healthy, but not starving myself, and allowing myself certain indulgences every so often [just not all the time]. I'm also going to continue working out with husband AND on my own when he can't be there.  I'll get where I want to be, and in the interm, I'll be happy with what I've got :)