Finally.

     This last week has really been one for the books. I've been strong in doing things i never thought i could do, and i'm not looking back. Thanksgiving was beautiful, we played football in the morning, and  then had dinner at Emily's house in Temecula. The family was there, and as always, it was absolutley wonderful. The little girls sang us songs from wicked, and aunt Deanna brought some old cards and letters from the cedar chest, and then we made grandma and grandpa sing to us. They sat together and sang "have i told you lately that i love you" in perfect harmony. Katie, and Taylor recorded it on their cameras, and we shared a few good tears of happiness. If there's one thing that i know in my life it's that when i do find that someone, i want a relationship and a love like my grandma and grandpa, they inspire me everyday to know that love is alive and well, we've just got to hold out for it. That night we went to see the blind side (the 2nd time for me) with my siblings, Kara, Mandy and Erin Jones, Angenelle, and Christian. It was just as good as the first time i saw it. Friday was a day of relaxation, which was really nice. Just hung out around the house with my brother and sisters (i miss Taylor when she's away, the house has a whole lot more life when she is home), and then we went to the football game. It has been so fun to watch Drew and Riley play this year, and if this was their last game, dang it, i was gonna be there! After the game i watched Land of the Lost with Noly, Laney, and Christian. Then had a beautiful talk with my Amber girl before we fell asleep.  
     Saturday morning i was up bright and early, I couldn't sleep! Dad and Sharon made breakfast and then i got ready and met Kayleigh, Rachael, and Amelia at Starbucks. It's been years, literally, since we've all been together and it was nice to get to be with them again.

    “Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

Those girls still know me, and care just as much as they always have no matter what may happen.From there I went and watched the BYU vs. Utah game and hung out and talked to Garrett, i miss him greatly when i don't get to talk to him for too long, and he's the best when it comes to helping me figure out everything that is going on in my head.
     :Sunday, Church, Choir practice, WALL-E, danielle, tyler, christian
     :Monday,helped watch the Proffit's kids, who i love more than life. SO excited to have them living in san marcos!! Maddie came home!! my little ray of sunshine came home from utah, and i got to see and talk to her before fhe, and then she showed me an amazing song (beautiful- bethany dillon, listen to it and LOVE). i'm thankful for that girl, she keeps me sane and laughing through all of our craziness!
     :Tuesday, school was not fun at all, Thanksgiving break killed me, let's just get through the next two and a half weeks quickly please, i can't wait for winter break and christmas!! After School I went home, had dinner, and then we went to Delaney's volleyball game which is always interesting, but last night they actually won a game! it was awesome...and then i came home and had an amazing talk with an amazing person who never fails to bring a smile to my face. It really is amazing how other people can just make you see things in such a different light.
     Things have never been better. In fact, Garrett told me yesterday in the car that he hasn't seen me this happy since he left (that means pre-mission, that means 3 years!), which makes me even happier. I finally decided to take control of the things that were weighing heavy on my heart. Finally let go of the places, thoughts, feelings, and people that kept me running back, that kept me afraid. In emptying holes in my life that have been filled with the wrong things and filling them back up with confidence in myself, faith in my heavenly father, and the atonement of jesus christ, i've been able to feel full for the first time in those three years that garbear was talking about. I'm back to walking in the light and it feels good...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I've always loved that quote, i think i've been afraid of my potential, of not living up to it, but you know what? I'm not afraid, and i want to be the best daughter of heavenly father i can be. I read in a Sheri Dew book once about how we've all fought this fight against the adversary once, when he was RIGHT in front of us, she says, and we "DIDN'T FLINCH"  There is NO reason why we cant do it again! I've been given strength and blessed already. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been easy, but the things that i thought were going to be the hardest, ended up being the ones that felt so right, and that i was so ready to just do, and move on from. I find it amazing how quickly Heavenly Father blesses us when we do the things he wants us to be doing. I am slowly but surely finding myself in the place i want to be in, and having a blast along the way!