Days like today..

It is days like today that I know my Father in Heaven not only loves me, but knows me individually, and though there are 7 billion others on this earth, each and every day he is watching over and guiding me, just me, to where I need to go, what I need to do, and specifically this morning, what I need to read...

I woke up early this morning to work out with Christian. I LOVE my morning work outs with him, it's the time that I can just let him tell me what to do, and know that he will only push me as far as he knows I can go, but that he will, in fact push me. They allow me to spend precious time with my husband, they make me feel good about myself, like I can tackle whatever the day throws my way...but some days, no matter what I tell myself, it doesn't feel like enough--I'm only human. Today was one of those days. I've literally worked my butt off this week, I've been to the gym everyday, and I know it is doing good things for me. Plus, for the first time in my life I enjoy, and look forward to sweating and working hard. But today,even though I was having fun with Babe, as I watched myself do squats on the bosu ball in the mirror, I just wasn't very happy with my body,I could see all of it's imperfections, the little things I would want to be different, and I just felt yucky.So, I went home, ate a healthy breakfast, got myself ready and came into work. One of the first things I always do is check my blogs (hey, I follow some aweeeesome people!), if nothing else, they are good reads, but sometimes I find things in them that make my soul happy. Today, I hit the jackpot. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I LOVE Cjane. I read her post, and then followed a link to an article she wrote that I think every woman should read...including you!

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Like some women . . . not all women . . . but a healthy number of women . . . or maybe an unhealthy number of women . . . I was obsessed with my weight. I measured quarter inches, weighed ounces, exercised and denied myself until there was nothing left to deny. I thought about my weight, my body, my image until it crowded out all other concerns. I knew if I were thin there would be nothing left I could ever want.

That was where I was three years ago.

Then something happened, a baby. Then another something happened, another baby. Then another, another something happened, a pregnancy which will hopefully result in baby three in the late fall. 

I don't obsess anymore.

It's not like I've worked through my issues and suddenly I understand the glory of a women's body. I mean, there are moments spent day-dreaming of the time when my body stops fluctuating to accommodate gestating or milk-drinking humans and my body is mine to deny again. But those idealistic moments are fleeting because there's cheese to slice for grilled cheese sandwiches or shoes to tie or sleep to catch. I simply don't have time to think much about my body--how it looks, how it sways, how it appeals-- although sometimes my husband reminds me. You know, in that gratuitous--look at how big your chest is getting!--excited sort of way.

And when I exercise it's really for clearing my mind. It's to allow my spirit to breathe. I am sure it helps my cardiovascular system, I just don't think about it much. I love the wisdom in this: Care not for the body, neither for the life of the body. But care for the soul, and the life of the soul.*

I think the soul is the spirit plus the body. A healthy spirit will build a healthy body. But focusing alone on the body will destroy the spirit.

Mostly, I wake up, put on my house dress and work until the day is done. And when the work is done (it's never done) and the day is over I look at my body and thank it for being so accommodating. At the end of the day that is all I can ask of it. It was never meant to fulfill day dreams of perfection. It wasn't created for attraction alone. It was meant to do what I needed it to do. And it does.

As a testament to this, I often remind myself: I've never been so fulfilled--even forty pounds ago.

Doctrine & Covenants 101:37"

Since I can remember my Dad has told me about balance. When I heard this as a teenager all I could think was blah,blah,blah...but now, I think I am beginning to understand it. My body does what it needs to do, and more. I am grateful for it. I know that, some days, I just need some reminding, I think we all do.I think back to my days and weeks spent with Dr. Valantine (an amazing man), and all the lessons that he taught me about my spirit, and the power and control that we truly have over our thoughts, and the things that we choose to believe--it is a choice!! We can not make that choice to believe the lies that the adversary would have us believe. We can not allow his degradation of all that is womanhood to continue, he can not, and will not ever win when we know that we are in control. 

So, here's to re-dedication, to focusing on the soul, on a healthy spirit, and allowing that strong spirit to create and strengthen that beautiful, healthy body that we have been blessed with. Certainly we do not want to destroy our spirits by focusing only on our bodies. I know that my body is strongest when my spirit is the strongest. I know it, I know it, I KNOW it!